So, today the kids slept in again! I surely am blessed for this new development. I was pretty groggy (stayed up late) & semi-dragged my feet through the morning routine (rushed because of said sleeping in). I started to get little bits of frustration at my children running from me as I tried to dress them, whining as I was trying to feed them, whining & wiggling as I tried to fix their hair. All pretty normal stuff that yesterday didn't faze me at all. Follow that by S a little whiny from extended car seat time, lunch falling all over the car, carrying both W & S to the car because I was late & didn't get out the stroller & lots more fussing.
I put them down for nap & was determined to read my bible study (which I'm behind in). With a cup of coffee, I sat down to the dinning room table. I was sure I was going to find some answer to my attitude issues. Ready for God to hand me the lashing I deserved. Kick my butt into gear, if you will. I read 3 pages or a bible study & the bible. I felt the same. Frustrated, I stopped. Taking note from the new sermon series from church, i thought to ask God to speak to me.
Me: "God, this is not working. Can you hear me? I'm so frustrated, I can't seem to get anything done, & I don't like this attitude in my heart so tell me how to be better. Speak to me."
God: "I love you"
Me: "Right, I know that, now how do I fix myself?"
God: "Theresa... I love you"
Me: "Ok... (wondering where he was going with this one)"
God: "I love you when you don't do the chores.... I love you when haven't made Corey's cookies... I love you when you have yelled at the kids... I love you."
Me: "Ohh... (enter crying) but why God?! Why do you love me? I'm so messed up"
God: "I love you because you are so valuable to me! You are precious, my daughter. You are strong & bold. You are mine."
Me: "But I mess up"
God: "Every one does, but I. love. you. I love you"
He kept telling me that he loved me until I was able to stop my tears, pick up my head & hear him tell me how to move on with the day.
I totally asked God for an ass-kicking & he poured out his love. & it was just what I needed. Amazing or what?!
I'm a type-A person & even though I've grown leaps & bounds in my type-A issues, I still have a tendency to measure my worth by the things I do & don't do. While I should do good things, even when I fail (even epically) God still loves me. The great news is, when I stopped & accepted Gods love in my imperfectness today, I felt revived & ready to love on my babies & get done what I can & let the other stuff slide.
So, if you are having a hard day, or maybe the next time you are (because we ALL have those days), stop & ask God to speak to you. You may hear something different than I did today, but trust me, it'll be just what you need!
Praise be to God!
I'm Theresa, he's my Corey, and we've been blessed with 3 littles. We're a fun-loving, adventerous, God-loving family living the Air Force life.
SOOOOOOO good, T! Love that the Lord is speaking to you! He often speaks to us when we are most vulnerable. He does love you! SO MUCH!!
ReplyDeleteI know it's easier said than done, but don't be so hard on yourself! I have the same problem...measuring my worth by how much I get done. Everything will get done in its time. Sometimes we just have to sit and listen. :)
Much love, girl!!