So, today the kids slept in again! I surely am blessed for this new development. I was pretty groggy (stayed up late) & semi-dragged my feet through the morning routine (rushed because of said sleeping in). I started to get little bits of frustration at my children running from me as I tried to dress them, whining as I was trying to feed them, whining & wiggling as I tried to fix their hair. All pretty normal stuff that yesterday didn't faze me at all. Follow that by S a little whiny from extended car seat time, lunch falling all over the car, carrying both W & S to the car because I was late & didn't get out the stroller & lots more fussing.
I put them down for nap & was determined to read my bible study (which I'm behind in). With a cup of coffee, I sat down to the dinning room table. I was sure I was going to find some answer to my attitude issues. Ready for God to hand me the lashing I deserved. Kick my butt into gear, if you will. I read 3 pages or a bible study & the bible. I felt the same. Frustrated, I stopped. Taking note from the new sermon series from church, i thought to ask God to speak to me.
Me: "God, this is not working. Can you hear me? I'm so frustrated, I can't seem to get anything done, & I don't like this attitude in my heart so tell me how to be better. Speak to me."
God: "I love you"
Me: "Right, I know that, now how do I fix myself?"
God: "Theresa... I love you"
Me: "Ok... (wondering where he was going with this one)"
God: "I love you when you don't do the chores.... I love you when haven't made Corey's cookies... I love you when you have yelled at the kids... I love you."
Me: "Ohh... (enter crying) but why God?! Why do you love me? I'm so messed up"
God: "I love you because you are so valuable to me! You are precious, my daughter. You are strong & bold. You are mine."
Me: "But I mess up"
God: "Every one does, but I. love. you. I love you"
He kept telling me that he loved me until I was able to stop my tears, pick up my head & hear him tell me how to move on with the day.
I totally asked God for an ass-kicking & he poured out his love. & it was just what I needed. Amazing or what?!
I'm a type-A person & even though I've grown leaps & bounds in my type-A issues, I still have a tendency to measure my worth by the things I do & don't do. While I should do good things, even when I fail (even epically) God still loves me. The great news is, when I stopped & accepted Gods love in my imperfectness today, I felt revived & ready to love on my babies & get done what I can & let the other stuff slide.
So, if you are having a hard day, or maybe the next time you are (because we ALL have those days), stop & ask God to speak to you. You may hear something different than I did today, but trust me, it'll be just what you need!
Praise be to God!