2 months old!

So, my little man is two months old!

He did his first really big cheesy smile today! It was so fun! I was fixing the blinds stepped down off the couch, turned around & was greeted by the biggest smile on the most handsome boy!

He is getting more control over his arms & legs. He has even started to bat & kick things! He can hold things for a little bit, except for the burp cloths, he ALWAYS pulls those off my shoulder when I burp him! haha.

He can lift his head pretty high & is working on those push ups. He does roll onto his side (from the back position).

I've been playing a game with him that gets him to laugh almost everytime (not when he's tired, haha). I call out his facial features (eyes, nose, cheeks, etc.) & use his hands to touch my face or my fingers to touch his & the last feature is always lips & then I yell "Kisses!" & kiss him! He squeals in delight! It's amazing! He also loves when we grumble/eat his belly.

He still really loves the mobile from his pack-n-play (thank you tutu, mamaw, & aunt mardee). Whenever I change him on it's changing table I have to let him lay there & watch it!

Let's see...

He is in LOVE with bathtime! He prefers when Dada is in charge of it though, because somehow Corey just does it better than me (ie. less tears from Will) haha.

We've been chilling in the backyard a lot more now that the weather is nice, so I'll have to take some pictures & put them up here too.

Okay, well I think that's a lot, so now the pictures!

almost the smile I got,

again almost the smile,

Oh yeah, that is a poopy-face!

Okay, so I put it in his hand, but he's holding it!

He totally has got it!

Grampy came to visit,

And he was done taking pictures & paparazzi Mom had to put down the camera!

Eye Opener!!!

Oh my goodness!
Last night was a hard night. Will woke up 4 times (only ate 2x, the others were from swaddle issues & his weird wake up @ 5am habit). I was so frustrated & when Corey came home from PT (physical training) to take a shower, I lamented to him. He offered to burp Will if I wanted to take a break. At first I said no, because what's the point of a 5 min. break, but God pushed me (& Corey too).
I knew I wasn't having the right heart. I knew that I shouldn't have been complaining to Corey when he is stressed with work. I knew, as everyone tells me, I should be cherishing every moment. I wasn't, but I knew that even if I felt bad, I could still do the right things. So I asked God for help & told him I will act right.
I had MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) this morning & lamented last night about how hard it would be to make it (it's a 9:15am) & that Will would be off his schedule, PLUS 8-10am is when I nap. Well, God was calling me to go, so I made a big pot of coffee (thank you lord!) & did it.

I am SO thankful God drug me there! Today 4 women shared their testimonies & they were all very moving. Especially my friend Laurie's. I just met her so I didn't know any of her history. God really used her testimony to remind me how thankful I should be to have my William. She had a late miscarriage after having lots of trouble getting pregnant.

God carried me through SOOOOOO much & how quick I am to forget all that he has carried me through. I know the Lord is with me always, but I forget what that deeply means & how blessed I am because I have that comfort & strength!

I wanted a child SO badly & after a time God blessed me with Will. Not because I was right that I should have a child & God just caught on, but because he knew I was ready & that was what I needed. I think of Will being taken away from me or if I can't have anymore children & my heart breaks, but it makes me see the preciousness that Will is.

I hope to never forget how precious he is & how precious, wonderful, glorious, amazing, comforting, & all powerful He (God) is.

Thank you Heavenly Father for reminding me to stop and smell my precious boy. How blessed I am to have my dream of being a mom. May I glorfiy you & not take for granted all that you have blessed me with. Thank you for the relationship I have with you, thank you for never ever turning your back on me, even when I am a selfish brat that I so often am. I am so sorry for the evil I had in my heart this morning. Please forgive me. Thank you so much. Amen.

Question

Have you ever wanted to ask someone a question, but it's not really appropriate. Like you've wanted to know something for a long time & think you kind of know the answer, but aren't sure. It would be pretty embarassing if you were wrong, but you are dying to know. Although... knowing would really change anything, just make you feel better.

Yeah, I'm there. & no I'm not telling you guys what the question is & to whom it is directed.

I suppose we all have those questions to mulitple people sometimes. I just have one that has been on my mind lately. I think it's because I read an article in the May issue of Real Simple magazine, something along the lines of "10 questions to ask your mother" (no it's not to my mom). One of the questions you ask is "Is there anything you wish you would've told me if I died?" or something like that. lol. So, NOW I'm thinking of all the things I'd want people to know if I died & I want to know if they have anything they want to tell me before I die. lol.

This one case is paticularly upsetting... ugh. lol.

One of those days...

ugh, it's only 2:26pm & I'm so ready for this day to be over already! haha

I know it's not that bad. but ugh is all I can come up with.

Will is fussy baby today. There are so many reasons running through my head as to why he is fussy.
He could be gassy.
It could be because 3 naps yesterday were disturbed (1 at church, 2 in the car).
He could be sick (took his temp. auxillary 99.2, but don't know if it's accurate, plan to take rectal temp later)
He could be having a growth spurt (doesn't seem especially hungry when I feed him, if anything isn't finishing bottles)
I could've been overfeeding him (yes, I'll admit it I was trying to fill him up so he'd sleep longer at night. BTW, his last feeding he projectile vomitted... yeah back to 4 oz. unless he cries after that)
It also could just be one of those days.

so with all that & all the crying, I think today should be over already.

Did I mention my dear husband asked me if I was okay (during his lunch break), I said "yeah why?" He responds with "you have these wierd dark lines under your eyes, they look all puffy". Thanks dear, it's jacked up sleep.

I want to go running so bad, but I don't know if I trust the co-op at the gym to watch Will, Corey works so hard I hate just "pawning" Will off on him after he's had a long hard day, & there is no good jogging trails around here! I'm also worried about how much I suck now that it's been almost a year since I ran!!!

Well... I hope things get better today & if they don't I hope tomorrow is better.

Smile!!

So here are some pictures I took over the last couple of days. Included are pics of the first smiles (well... first smiles not attributed to gas, lol)! I personally got to see better smiles, but wasn't able to capture them on film. He has dimples!

Uncle Brandon

Look @ that height!!

oh yeah all up in his face, I love it!

almost there...

Oh yeah, that's a golden moment right there!

Easter Picture & more

goofy balls, balls of goofy


ah!! LOVE THEM!!

Happy Birthday Corey!

Easter Sunday @ our pastor's house. I was wearing a dress, but I changed for lunch & forgot to get a family pic before I changed. Can't wait for next year & he'll be able to look for some eggs (filled with healthy snacks, haha yeah right!)

Menu Planning, HA!

yeah... just thought about this, I am sucking at making dinner regularly for the family. I don't know if it's cause I'm rarely hungry, if I'm just too tired, if I'm just being lazy, or if it's harder making it around Will's schedule. I think it's the last one (mostly) because Corey doesn't like to eat til later & before then is when Will is awake... I'll have to figure it out & get back into the swing of things. Okay, that's mostly the reason, I haven't done menu planning & regular cooking in what... 6 weeks, so now I have to get back in that mode. but sometimes cereal for dinner just sounds so good, haha.

Empending Deployment

So, most of you already know this, but for those of you who don't...

Corey is getting deployed this September. We were expecting him to get deployed September 2010, but his AFE (group he's assigned to) was changed & he'll be going THIS September.

Of course it's a bummer because he'll miss 4 months or so of Will's life, but it's not too big of a deal. It could be WAY worse & with Corey's job, he likely wont be in a place that is really dangerous. I think we've been very blessed to have not had to deal with a deployment yet.

So, now, I had always planned on just moving in with Corey's family (yes, I invited myself to stay with them, lol), but now I don't know. I'd love to visit all of our friends in different states. That would really help the time fly by, but it wouldn't be very stable enviorment for Will.

Here are my options (kinda):

California- pros: lots of friends, great church family, it's home, I miss it; cons: don't know who I would stay with & it's far away (how would I get around & all of our stuff).

Maryland- pros: Corey's awesome family, lot's of stuff to do; cons: no friends, what would I do there?

Georgia- pros: Boeckh's, lots of stuff to pass time, close to here; cons: technically haven't been asked to stay formally, I don't think they have a room for me (although they would probably make room).

Texas- pros: hanging with Chelle & Sam, super fun! Maybe watching Sama for her momma; cons: don't know if they'll have a place by then, I'd have to be pretty dependent on Sam & chelle.

Indiana- pros: Brummel's; cons- no friends

Arizona- pros: Liz; cons- have to be pretty dependent on Liz, & don't want to intrude on their family time

finally....

South Carolina- pros: we are already here, I'm making friends, have a good church; cons: lonely at home (you know people can't hang out all the time).

On top of all that, I also have the choice of what I'm going to fill my time with...
1)Go back to school & finish my AA, or get my ECE certificate
2)Go back to work part-time
or
3)Continue Staying at Home with Will-will.
all those have their pros & cons too.

We are praying, but I know God is in control & will help us make the best decision for our family. GA & MD are looking very promising after making that list. But we'll see what God has in store...

Snapped out of it!

Wahoo! Something magical happened over the last week or so, I've snapped out of it!



Well, it wasn't magical, it was God & the people he worked through. Thanks friends & family!



Now that I'm out of it, I can be honest & tell you what it was & why I didn't even know I was in it.



I was super stressed, anxious, not eating well at all, I over analyzed EVERYTHING, felt guilty, felt like I couldn't be a good enough mom, & had self-doubt. Yeah... so I think it was postpartum depression. I didn't know all the signs & they werent all strong & I incorrectly assumed, you had to be super sad/almost suicidal to be "depressed". Yeah... I have been coming out of it for a few weeks (since my friend Suzanne came to visit), but the other day was a beautiful day, with no anxiety!!! ahhh relief.

God is so awesome to help us through things like that & I really feel like I learned a lot through it. Like how to RELAX! haha. People told me to just relax when I first got home & stuff, but that is easier said than done. I mean seriously, if it was that easy I'm pretty sure everybody would just relax. haha. (thanks though for trying to help people).

Okay, so now I'm going to go download pictures from Easter, so expect easter pics in a couple more days. (I know you'd like them now, & I'd love to put them up now, but with the babes, housework, & my lucious husBAND, I'll get them up later. *giggle*giggle*)

Get This!

So, today has been a great day with my little man. He's so adorable & I love his little cooing & I love to watch him look around trying to absorb all the world.

I still wonder in random off-moments what I did to myself, but those are getting less & less. The good news is that I have felt all alone in those thoughts. Well, today on Oprah they were talking openly about motherhood & how everyone has those moments of "what did I get myself into" thinking. Obviously, I do not want to dwell on that type of thinking & I love Will. It just helps to know I'm not a horrible person.

Now, here is a BIG confession, I even have toyed around with the idea of going back to work!! How horrible am I? I was a self-proclaimed SAHM (stay at home mom) since I was born! How could I think about it! Well... I do. I tell myself during the hard times that I'll give it until he's 6 months then reevaluate.

So today I was really thinking what it would be like to be a working mom. I think I would be rushing to be with my baby & absorb all that I can when I have time with him, so that would be a plus. BUT I would be away from him a good chunk of his waketime & I'd miss milestones, negative. I'd get to have some freedom/my own life, plus. I'd have to go to work everyday, negative.

Then, I had to run to the store today for various items & I decided it would be easiest to wait til Cor got home & go solo. It was awkward without my family. (I also hate Shaw's BX, but that's another blog)
Then, I remembered I had the Enlisted Spouse Club meeting (a friend really wanted me to go tonight), Corey really encouraged me to go. I went & was thinking I should be home with my family. While, that is not true, I am allowed to have me time & it's okay to go out. I kept thinking of them & Will's schedule, & if he was crying & all that stuff.

SOO all that to say, while I look at the idea of going back to work, I think it comes down to the fact that the grass is greener. I don't need to go back to work out of financial reasons & Corey prefers me to be the stay-at-home momma.

So I'll keep that reevaluate date, but I think I can get over daydreaming about having a life, because I think it's already gone. It being my old way of life. I'm a new woman.

Did you go back to work? Did you ever daydream about staying at home or going back to work?

p.s. I think my anxiety issues are resurfacing, I'm going to have to talk to my Dr. tomorrow (it's my 6-week check-up, excited to see how much I weigh...). Tonight in the meeting I just thought of Will maybe crying & my heart starting beating like crazy & I got a little sweaty. I chilled out fast, but geesh! Then I realized this actually happens a couple of times a day, although it IS diminishing as he is getting older & I am getting more used to motherhood. okay this could've been another blog. lol.

Menu Plan Monday April 6-12th

So... it's been a long time since I menu planned! I had a baby so things have been hectic & my appetite was pretty much non-existent. Poor Corey had nights he had to fend for himself. lol.
Anyways, Will's naps are getting more consistent, I'm not as stressed, so I'm eating more & I have the time to Menu Plan, so here I go. I'm not sure how much of this is actually going to be made, but I'm going to try.

Monday- Bean Burritos & fiesta corn (easy peasy)

Tuesday- Chicken Fried Rice

Wednesday- Steak, Juliene Potatoes, & green beans

Thursday- Taco Ring

Friday- Corey's Birthday, I think we will go out to eat for this one!

Saturday- BLT's (corey makes the most awesome bacon!)

Sunday- Burgers (we are going to invite people to come hang out)

So, there we go. I think I might even try to make a dessert or two. Well, I'll definitely have to make Corey a cake! lol
Wish me luck!

to get more recipe ideas & to join menu plan monday's visit the organized junkie's blog here

Pictures

Okay, So these are old pictures, & you've probably already saw them, but I wanted to post them just in case you haven't.

This was me just starting to get really adjusted, lol

I really want to smoother him with kisses all the time!

He loves his daddy time

he LOVES his bathtime now, apparently before the water was too cold for him.

Visiting Myrtle Beach with Korinne, before they leave for the Azores!

Joey & amazing Reese! (Korinne's hubby & daughter, btw)

CIO

Crying it Out... whew.

So, we have been following a flexible schedule since the day little Will got home. The schedule part has worked great, but along with it we have been trying to let him cry it out.

Now, first I have to say, there are TONS of people who have discouraged me from doing this. Telling me to just "go with the flow". Which I assume means pick him up & hold him all the time & stuff like that, because what baby wouldn't prefer to be held to sleep. I understand that that works for them & that's great, but it's not me. I tried doing it one day. I couldn't even do it half the day.

There are also some people who have encouraged me to keep on going.

Well, to say I have been in prayer about this & motherhood in general, is an understatement. It is excrutiating to listen to him cry, but I have a purpose in letting him self-soothe. Our goal is that he will be able to fall asleep by himself, which gives him healthier sleep, because he is not reliant on me to fall back asleep in the middle of the night.

People say babies this age are too young to cry-it-out, but that is not true. He is starting to get it. He would've likely gotten it much sooner, but we weren't very consistent & he is very persistent.

So, yes, I have bad feelings about cry-it-out, but I do believe that this is best for our family & more importantly for Will.

Anyways, I just thought I'd share with you all what we are going through. Yesterday, was killer. Today, so far, has been smooth sailing.

If you have any questions or comments I'd love to hear them.