06 April 2009

Get This!

So, today has been a great day with my little man. He's so adorable & I love his little cooing & I love to watch him look around trying to absorb all the world.

I still wonder in random off-moments what I did to myself, but those are getting less & less. The good news is that I have felt all alone in those thoughts. Well, today on Oprah they were talking openly about motherhood & how everyone has those moments of "what did I get myself into" thinking. Obviously, I do not want to dwell on that type of thinking & I love Will. It just helps to know I'm not a horrible person.

Now, here is a BIG confession, I even have toyed around with the idea of going back to work!! How horrible am I? I was a self-proclaimed SAHM (stay at home mom) since I was born! How could I think about it! Well... I do. I tell myself during the hard times that I'll give it until he's 6 months then reevaluate.

So today I was really thinking what it would be like to be a working mom. I think I would be rushing to be with my baby & absorb all that I can when I have time with him, so that would be a plus. BUT I would be away from him a good chunk of his waketime & I'd miss milestones, negative. I'd get to have some freedom/my own life, plus. I'd have to go to work everyday, negative.

Then, I had to run to the store today for various items & I decided it would be easiest to wait til Cor got home & go solo. It was awkward without my family. (I also hate Shaw's BX, but that's another blog)
Then, I remembered I had the Enlisted Spouse Club meeting (a friend really wanted me to go tonight), Corey really encouraged me to go. I went & was thinking I should be home with my family. While, that is not true, I am allowed to have me time & it's okay to go out. I kept thinking of them & Will's schedule, & if he was crying & all that stuff.

SOO all that to say, while I look at the idea of going back to work, I think it comes down to the fact that the grass is greener. I don't need to go back to work out of financial reasons & Corey prefers me to be the stay-at-home momma.

So I'll keep that reevaluate date, but I think I can get over daydreaming about having a life, because I think it's already gone. It being my old way of life. I'm a new woman.

Did you go back to work? Did you ever daydream about staying at home or going back to work?

p.s. I think my anxiety issues are resurfacing, I'm going to have to talk to my Dr. tomorrow (it's my 6-week check-up, excited to see how much I weigh...). Tonight in the meeting I just thought of Will maybe crying & my heart starting beating like crazy & I got a little sweaty. I chilled out fast, but geesh! Then I realized this actually happens a couple of times a day, although it IS diminishing as he is getting older & I am getting more used to motherhood. okay this could've been another blog. lol.

1 comment:

  1. I was going to call you and tell you to watch Oprah. I liked it at first but then got irritated with the way some women talked about their kids. Everyone is different though. I'm learning. If you feel the need to go back to work then go! Whatever makes you a better Mom is the best decision for everyone. You could always try and see if you are missing too much or you love it. There are days that I think about going back to work, but I can't. I enjoy not having to answer to anyone whenever I want to go some where or do something. I just fill my days with lots of errands and to do's. There are some days I just want to nap and I do. Plus I feel like I can't get enough of her already. Not to mention when we go to the Azores there are little jobs for wives. I'll just join the enlisted spouse club and find other SAHM.

    Stop stressing so much! (easier said than done) It will eventually end and yes, he WILL sleep through the night. After that point, you'll be ready to take on the world, and you'll be less stressed. Until that day, just take it one nap at a time. If you need to, turn up the music or TV so it's not as bad.
    Motherhood does take time. Everyone goes through it. People just need a different perspective. Don't look at what you've lost. Look at what you've gained!!