So, today has been a great day with my little man. He's so adorable & I love his little cooing & I love to watch him look around trying to absorb all the world.
I still wonder in random off-moments what I did to myself, but those are getting less & less. The good news is that I have felt all alone in those thoughts. Well, today on Oprah they were talking openly about motherhood & how everyone has those moments of "what did I get myself into" thinking. Obviously, I do not want to dwell on that type of thinking & I love Will. It just helps to know I'm not a horrible person.
Now, here is a BIG confession, I even have toyed around with the idea of going back to work!! How horrible am I? I was a self-proclaimed SAHM (stay at home mom) since I was born! How could I think about it! Well... I do. I tell myself during the hard times that I'll give it until he's 6 months then reevaluate.
So today I was really thinking what it would be like to be a working mom. I think I would be rushing to be with my baby & absorb all that I can when I have time with him, so that would be a plus. BUT I would be away from him a good chunk of his waketime & I'd miss milestones, negative. I'd get to have some freedom/my own life, plus. I'd have to go to work everyday, negative.
Then, I had to run to the store today for various items & I decided it would be easiest to wait til Cor got home & go solo. It was awkward without my family. (I also hate Shaw's BX, but that's another blog)
Then, I remembered I had the Enlisted Spouse Club meeting (a friend really wanted me to go tonight), Corey really encouraged me to go. I went & was thinking I should be home with my family. While, that is not true, I am allowed to have me time & it's okay to go out. I kept thinking of them & Will's schedule, & if he was crying & all that stuff.
SOO all that to say, while I look at the idea of going back to work, I think it comes down to the fact that the grass is greener. I don't need to go back to work out of financial reasons & Corey prefers me to be the stay-at-home momma.
So I'll keep that reevaluate date, but I think I can get over daydreaming about having a life, because I think it's already gone. It being my old way of life. I'm a new woman.
Did you go back to work? Did you ever daydream about staying at home or going back to work?
p.s. I think my anxiety issues are resurfacing, I'm going to have to talk to my Dr. tomorrow (it's my 6-week check-up, excited to see how much I weigh...). Tonight in the meeting I just thought of Will maybe crying & my heart starting beating like crazy & I got a little sweaty. I chilled out fast, but geesh! Then I realized this actually happens a couple of times a day, although it IS diminishing as he is getting older & I am getting more used to motherhood. okay this could've been another blog. lol.